Resolution

Where opportunities lie, we must tell our fears goodbye.

I am one of those people who want great things in life. Yet, I am the same variety of people who wait for the world to present opportunities to them.

I can say that I may have let my fair share of opportunities pass me by simply because I am too afraid to take the necessary risks. Too fearful of rejection and feel like a nothing — tortured by the failures abound. Unfortunately, there is no way to escape failure or rejection, it is an integral part of life. They are the ingredients that help build character, set inner strength aflame, and most importantly, encourage perseverance.

I have big dreams. I have dreams of starting a non-profit organization and to become a published author. I have dreams of the white picket fence in a quiet suburb with a loving husband, four children and a dog. I desire all the things that people would call impossible. I may be a hopeless romantic, an idealist, but those are the most basic parts of me. I want things beyond what most people believe are within reach. Still, I let fear cast a shade over my dreams, and set me into the cruel reality. A reality that tells me that I’m not good enough, that no matter how hard I try, there will always be obstacles in my way.

I wish I could say that I easily push those naysayers and negative thoughts aside, but I don’t. I have little belief in my self-worth and my capabilities. My confidence is shot, and no matter the encouragement I receive I do not believe it. Why? The easy way out would be to say depression, but even at the root, it’s fear. I am afraid. Afraid to let others down, afraid that my dreams really are too far out of my reach.

I am taking a semester off from school so that I can work toward my goal to become a writer. Every day when I wake up, all I want to do is register for classes. All I think about is to get that stupid degree and get a full-time job, dead end or miserable as it may be. I just want to follow the typical path, the one everyone expects me to pursue because it is the norm. But I want more than that, I know in my heart that I am meant for more than the typical 9-to-5 job. But I also know that in pursuing my dreams, I am walking straight into rejection central.

There is no person who made it to greatness without struggle, without insecurity, without rejection. We live in a world of handheld devices, computers, and the Internet. But not long ago, the idea of a personal computer was impossible. There was a time when social media was just a dream. It took capable people who believed in their dreams to make it come true. They overcame adversity to create what they saw in their dreams. Just as all writers, each one has received at least one rejection letter telling him or her that the writing was not up to par. I’ve received a rejection before, and to say that it hurt would be an understatement. It was nearly crippling. Yet, the names we throw around in reference to most accomplished or successful, started off in the bottom too. They had to climb their way up, they saw opportunity and jumped towards it.

I want to be one of those people. I want to be able to say goodbye to the anxiety and fear that hold me back. And because I want it so desperately, I am sure that I will be able to do it. Not to say that doubt won’t be a constant companion, but I will be stronger and I will push through and prevail.

2015 is a new year, and it is this year that I stop putting my pursuits on hold. Instead of saying I want to do things, I will do them. It’s the only way to get to where I want to be. Fear is the most potent deterrent there is–it’s harder to overcome than lack of money and support, it’s harder to avoid than harsh critique and negative people. But my resolution, not only for this year but life, is not to let fear get the best of me.

Hello, Opportunities.
Goodbye, Fear.

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