Starting Now

I don’t know if you’ve heard Brandy’s song in collaboration with Disney titled, “Starting Now,” but it’s been my anthem the past two months.

“There’s no room left for wondering
Got a new vision of yourself
And she’s who you wanna be
Starting now”
– Lyrics from “Starting Now” by Brandy

These words are so empowering to me and encouraging me not to be afraid of what’s out there. One of the easiest things for me to do is stick to what’s comfortable, be a creature of habit and stay where I think I belong. Lately, I decided that I can do more and capable of more, so I am going to strive for my new vision.

Come October, which is literally one week away, I’ll be living in a new apartment and starting a new job. I will continuing a new school and rocking a new haircut. A lot of new things on the horizon and I think it’s evident that great upheaval begets great growth.

With all these changes, my therapist asked if there’s anything in my life that I could hold on to for stability. I laughed that awkward nervous chuckle because obviously not. And it got me thinking… I am experiencing a lot of change right now, and it’s going to be a stressful undertaking;. I need something stable to rely on.

Not too long ago, I would’ve thought that someone else or something else should be my constant. I would’ve desperately tried to seek someone or something that I could view as stable. This time, I made the active decision that I would be my own rock. I am my stability.

In making that proclamation, I realized that I wasn’t aligned with myself. So I took some time to recharge, to reset, and to reinvest into myself. And if there’s anything you take away from this post, it’s this. We must put time and energy into ourselves.

‘I am feeling refreshed and super excited for what’s coming next, I mean now.

Starting now.

Redefine 29

My 29th birthday is coming up next week and I have been wracking my brain trying to figure out the intentions for the next year.

See, I’ve been titling each year of my twenties starting at 25 with an intention of what to make of that year. Each phrase coming from a place of reflection, and emulating what I want to see or improve upon.

Thriving 25 – It was on the coattails of a dark time filled with aimlessness, hopelessness, and severe depression. I spent many of the years prior to 25 feeling like I was (all-around) lacking and my self-worth was almost non-existent. So, I made it my mission to change how I viewed myself and encouraged myself to try for bigger goals. I thought of 25 as a turning point; at the time, being five years from 30 was scary (I’m not as scared now).

Nixing 26 – After I felt a bit more confident in myself, with a new job and career prospects, I decided to introspect a bit. What wasn’t aligning with my goals? And I noticed self-sabotaging behaviors and habits that weren’t doing me any favors, so that was the intention for 26.

Even Better 27 – The previous two years were so successful that I wanted to continue the trend and positivity. I definitely practiced optimism for 27– making plans, changing jobs and going toward more mental health positions. I even moved out on my own (with a roommate because NYC is pricey). This intentional perspective added the understanding that growth is continuous, so the other intentions I applied to 25 and 26 continued to be practiced as well.

Date with Fate 28 – I already decided this would be my intention for the year, but the pandemic really pushed it forward.  A lot of life is unexpected, and good things and bad things come in waves, so I decided my year would be a practice of mindfulness and taking things in stride. I practiced openness to new opportunities and tried to stop clinging on to things that were past their expiration dates. I worked on not getting down on myself over things not meeting my expectations.

So now as I transition to and enter 29, I am tasked with incorporating the things I’ve done and the things I’ve learned. A passing thought I had was  “Divine 29” but I noted it was in the same vein as 27, and it didn’t promote a growth I want for myself. And I could not, for the life of me, come up with something that encompassed my desires. Then it hit me… a culmination of my late 20s and the things I want to leave behind before I enter a new decade… Redefining 29.

So the intention behind this is revisiting myself on a journey of self-exploration and reflecting on my relationships to figure out who I am now. In line with the purpose of this website for a deep dive into myself. Basically, it’s the wrap-up before my 30s, and figuring out what I see in store for me the next decade.

I think and hope it’ll help me out of the stagnation and complacency I feel myself slipping into.