What Does the Future Hold?

I admire ambitious self-starters with clear visions for themselves, who chase after their dreams, unafraid of failure.

I don’t quite fit that category of person.

I am both afraid and unsure of what my future holds and of how to get there.

I used to imagine my whole career life with all my different accomplishments ranging from running a non-profit organization, being a novelist, and being a social worker (not in that order).

My plans included an age in which these goals would be reached. Lo and behold, the course of my path became curved. I still wish to accomplish the aforementioned things, but at the same time, I’m in a stagnant position.

What’s the first step?

Moreover, if I take it and I walk down the road that it leads, will it actually bring me to the preconceived future?

I’m actively working on applying to jobs that are in the non-profit sector, administrative positions, and I’m working on my writing through my website and my novel. Still, it’s easy to be discouraged, and one of the hardest things I can come to face is failure.

Thankfully, the idea of failure is no longer as gripping as it once was, so maybe I’ll be able to overcome the fear soon.

Reading The Try Guys book, The Hidden Power of F*cking Up, is bringing some perspective in the dimensions of trying and failing, and trying again.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to have a clearer answer to my questions of what my future holds, but right now I’m stumped. I’m just working on the now with what I’ve learned from my past.

My greatest hope is that my future turns out to be what I’ve been wishing and aiming for all these years.

Finding My Passion

How many of you have heard the advice about pursuing your passions in order to be successful?

I hear it all the time! It’s like yeah, go pursue what you love and it’ll never feel like working or some other positive cliche.

I’m not one to bump cliches, but… what if you’re not passionate about anything? How do you find it? How do you find that thing that makes you want to wake up every day and do your best at it?

I believe in individuality, and that everybody has their own paths and journeys, but when it comes to this… well, I’d really appreciate a how-to guide, you know?

I’ve seen passionate people who love what they’re doing, who constantly find new ways to better themselves and their crafts. It’s amazing. Yet, whenever I ask how they found their passion, the answer is so vague. Something along the lines of it just clicked, I’ve always had an interest, etc.

I call those people lucky.

I’m not diminishing their talent or efforts in pursuing their passions, or discrediting their hard work, but they’re lucky. Why? They were able to find something that drives them, something that interests them. Sometimes with minimal efforts. And that’s the lucky part.

There are people who soul search for a long time and come up empty-handed. There are others who think they’re passionate about something, only to find themselves burnt out or uninterested when actually going after it. It sucks!

So again, how do we find our passions? How can I find what I’m passionate about? And what makes something that special? Is it because it’s something we’re good at, and we like the compliments? Is it because it’s something that we can’t quite figure out or grasp, so we keep going because we’re stubborn? What is it?

I think the answer can be both things, and more. It depends on what motivates the singular person.

Personally, I like going after what I’m good at. It’s not that I don’t like challenge, I just prefer getting praises and compliments for what I achieve. It’s a nice feeling, and it boosts my confidence.

Unfortunately, going after what I’m good at is a double-edged sword. It makes me vulnerable to criticism, and that can diminish a lot of self-esteem or put a lot more pressure on me.

I love writing. I’ve loved it since I was in junior high, maybe earlier. But the thing is, there was a period in my life when I was too anxious and too scared to write. Too afraid I wasn’t good enough, that my command of the English language was not as great as I thought.

I was too paralyzed to even try to write.

I felt so lost at the time. I used writing as catharsis, as self expression, as an extension of self. And here I was, for years, unable to coherently piece anything together for long periods of time. It was awful. And that’s when I really knew that writing is indeed my passion.

I didn’t just wake up one day and overcome my anxiety of writing. I was stuck for a long time. Too fearful to even pick up a pen or pencil. Too scared to open a word document. It was terrifying, but I pushed myself. I pushed past my doubt, my all-or-nothing-what-if-I-fail thinking to get to where I am now.

I may not be the best writer out there. I may be the worst for all I know, but I find extreme joy in seeing words appear. I feel a lightness when I’m able to put my thoughts into something tangible. It’s a nice feeling. Even though I don’t know if I will pursue writing professionally, it’s nice to at least pursue it personally (e.g. this website).

I got lucky and figured out what I’m passionate about. Even luckier still to have it confirmed, years after I was discouraged from it.

And my take away is that one of crucial steps in finding your passion is facing your fears and stepping out of your comfort zone.

Fresh Start

As I embark on a new chapter in my life, I’ve decided to also start my website anew.

Previously, I posted irregularly about a wide range of seemingly random topics, mostly focusing on my existential and everyday struggles. I intend on keeping similar posts on this page, but I also plan on incorporating more content. For instance, I will be adding my creative writing to this website as well as researched/academic writing.

I will provide links to resources or advice that I find helpful. I will add reviews of places I’ve been and things I’ve tried. Basically, this blog will be bigger and better than before.

Most importantly, I will be updating on a regular basis. There will be a weekly reflection along with a monthly post for a thematic segment. Additional posts will be sporadic when a mood strikes. There may be times when I post things daily.

Weekly posts will be up on Tuesdays
Monthly posts will be up on the 12th of the month

Please feel free to leave comments and feedback. Or find me on twitter @Dazzlingrambles